Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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