the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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