I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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