they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
