Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
