so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
