just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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