You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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