After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
