Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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