How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
