I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
