Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
