i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
