Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
