Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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