There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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