my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
