tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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