Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
