So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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