and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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