i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
