I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
