The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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