Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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