i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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