one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
