It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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