You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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