Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
