the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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