She is in my trunk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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