is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
