dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
