Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
