Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
