i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"