She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.