I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp