im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dating After Heartbreak
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity