I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.