OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?