You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
