She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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