so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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