Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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