I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
