Even the bartender felt bad for me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
