Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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