So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
