he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
