She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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