So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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