When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My ATM looks so different sober.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
