just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
