The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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