Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
