awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
