Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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