thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
