She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize