we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
