WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
not ubering you a puppy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
