You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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