Your dad touched me again.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
