shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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