im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pray to the hookup gods
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
