Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
