I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
