I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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