Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
