I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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