i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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