Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
