And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
