Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
