Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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