There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I could fuck to npr.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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